My quick rating – 6.2/10. If you ever thought the biggest danger from Skylab crashing back to Earth in 1979 was a chunk of metal landing on someone’s Buick, Cold Storage would like to politely inform you that the real problem might have been a killer fungus hitching a ride home.
The film opens with some simple text exposition explaining that most of the scientific experiments aboard Skylab were destroyed during re-entry. The keyword here is “most.” And if horror movies have taught us anything, it’s that the remaining 1% is always the thing that wipes out humanity. We’re quickly shown the consequences when a surviving container becomes a roadside tourist attraction in a small town. Naturally, something escapes the tank and proceeds to wipe the place off the map in messy, fungal fashion.
Enter three scientists tasked with containing the outbreak, including Robert Quinn, played by Liam Neeson. Quinn and company manage to collect a specimen while demonstrating exactly how fast this nightmare spreads, before solving the problem the traditional cinematic way: by erasing the entire village from existence. Containment achieved… mostly.
Cut to Teacake (Joe Keery), a guy just trying to get through a regular shift at his storage facility job. Unfortunately for him, the night shift is about to become the worst career choice of his life. Joining him is Naomi (Georgina Campbell), the facility’s new security employee, who also seems destined to discover that “biological containment failure” was not listed in the job description.
Like most creature features, Cold Storage relies on a fair share of questionable decision-making to keep things moving. Doors get opened that absolutely should stay closed. People investigate noises they should absolutely ignore. But the film leans into the absurdity just enough that it becomes part of the fun instead of a frustration.
The humor here is dark but effective. It never quite drifts into the full camp territory of The Return of the Living Dead, though the zombie-like infected and the generous amounts of green slime spraying around definitely give off that vibe. The movie also strikes a nice visual balance between practical effects and CGI. Bursting spores, twitching limbs, and fungal tendrils creeping through vents all feel tactile and gross in the best possible way.
Neeson is clearly having fun playing the grizzled bioterror operative who treats this bizarre fungal apocalypse with complete seriousness. Watching him deliver deadpan one-liners while saving the world is half the entertainment. Meanwhile, Keery and Campbell have solid chemistry. Keery, in particular, manages to separate this character nicely from his Stranger Things persona.
What Cold Storage does best is walk the thin line between ridiculous and semi-serious. If it went too far into parody, it becomes a joke. Play it too straight, and the movie collapses under its own weirdness. Instead, it lands comfortably in that late-night popcorn zone where you’re laughing, and occasionally wondering why anyone thought keeping that sample was a good idea.
The ending doesn’t exactly hide its intentions either. The possibility of what comes next is hinted at well before the sequel tease, so when the reminder arrives, it feels less like a surprise hook and more like director Jonny Campbell giving us a knowing wink. If the next shift is anything like this one, I am in for another round of gooey fun.
