My quick rating – 5.7/10. I was poking through my watchlist and realized I completely spaced on Onyx the Fortuitous and the Talisman of Souls. Better late than never, right, @redsand? Sometimes movies don’t just gather dust on a watchlist. They build a small civilization. This one kicks off with the Bloody Disgusting logo, which is usually a promising omen. Now if only they’d perform an exorcism on their perpetually broken RSS feed. That thing has been haunted longer than half the characters in this movie.
Onyx the Fortuitous and the Talisman of Souls introduces Markus, better known as Onyx the Fortuitous (Andrew Bowser), recording an aggressively lo-fi selfie video explaining why he deserves an invitation to the mansion of his occult idol, Bartok the Great (Jeffrey Combs). Within about thirty seconds, I was thinking, “This guy absolutely came from YouTube.” Sure enough, a quick search confirmed it. Bowser gives 110% to his routine, constantly shifting from awkward enthusiasm to his overly enthusiastic infomercial-like voice.
This is definitely a hit-or-miss performance style. I would say there are going to be people who turn off just because of Onyx. Others might enjoy it. I landed somewhere in the middle, tolerating the performance because I wanted to see where the story was heading.
After some mildly amusing family interactions with his mother Nancy (Barbara Crampton) and a spectacularly over-the-top round of workplace bullying at a burger joint, Onyx’s luck changes when he wins the chance to attend Bartok’s mysterious ritual. Jeffrey Combs is always a welcome sight, especially for anyone who remembers Re-Animator, and he brings exactly the kind of sinister charisma you’d expect. Other winners of the contest are also introduced at the dining table, each one displaying his/her own wonderfully strange personality prior to the group being engaged in Bartok’s mysterious activities related to the famous Talisman of Souls.
Bowser should be commended for his willingness to use practical effects rather than relying on CGI alone. The little monster kept under wraps in the box was an immediate attention-grabber, while there were even several of the monsters who had a retro feel to them, reminiscent of 1980s horror movies. The haunted house itself is well designed and manages a balance between being spooky and campy. Throwing Meat Loaf‘s I’d Do Anything for Love into the mix as an emotional anthem is exactly the kind of wonderfully bizarre creative decision this film thrives on.
The biggest problem is simply the pacing. At 110 minutes, Onyx the Fortuitous and the Talisman of Souls doesn’t quite have enough story to justify its runtime. I initially blamed Bowser‘s relentless comedic delivery for my wandering attention, but as the movie went on, it became clear the script was stretching relatively thin material well past its limits. The mystery unfolds too slowly. The middle drags. And several scenes feel like they’re filling time before the inevitable supernatural chaos arrives.
Despite all the problems, Onyx the Fortuitous and the Talisman of Souls was still a fun watch. I doubt it hit anywhere near the heights of the recent Obsession or even Iron Lung. But it is a very good-hearted mixture of horror, comedy, and special effects. Of course, it is not for everybody, but horror movie fans searching for something different will definitely enjoy the film. Interestingly enough, there is another movie from the same Bowser universe on my watch list called The Decedent. Here’s hoping the next stop trims about twenty minutes off the runtime…and maybe turns Bowser‘s enthusiasm down from eleven to a comfortable nine.
