My quick rating – 3.2/10. At a hefty 111 minutes, Amityvillenado had me preparing for another endurance test. The Amityville name has been slapped onto just about everything at this point, and most of them have been disasters. A haunted tornado? That sounded like another entry destined for the bargain bin. Surprisingly, this one had something many of the others lacked. It actually knew exactly how ridiculous it was.
The film follows friends Trey (Trey Ball) and Jib (Jib Haddan), who witness the aftermath of the infamous DeFeo house being obliterated by a tornado that somehow absorbs its supernatural evil. Yes, that’s the plot. Their biggest concern at first is that Trey might miss the Skull Crusher concert, but as people begin having their souls vacuumed out by the possessed twister, local meteorologist June Weathers (Elizabeth McCoy), a paranormal investigator, and former priest Father O’Harahan (Will Hoffpauir) join forces to stop the storm from consuming the town.
Things begin with two women exploring an Amityville-looking house during a rainstorm. Calling it “Amityville-looking” might be generous. The silhouette resembled an eighth-grade art project. Naturally, one of them discovers a Ouija board and decides opening the Hasbro Portal to Hell sounds like an excellent life choice. Before they can finish, a tornado warning interrupts the séance, followed quickly by the opening credits and a hard cut to what looks like the male versions of those same characters jamming to dubstep while driving.
The movie is split into chapters with titles like A Weekend to Remember, Ghosts of Ocean Avenue, June’s Warning, and Mystic Eye. They’re thrown around so often they almost become part of the joke. I only mention them since I took the time to write them down LOL. Officer Lipshits (Clay Aleman) spends half the movie investigating whether his wife is cheating while everyone else is trying to survive a demon-infested tornado. Somehow, that subplot fits right in.
I was ready to make fun of the suspiciously spotless empty lot where the Amityville house supposedly stood…until Trey pointed out exactly how weird it looked before I could. Fair play, movie.
The effects won’t fool anyone, but they’re surprisingly workable considering the budget. Souls being ripped from bodies by the tornado actually look decent enough, and every time someone comes up with another absurd solution, the film doubles down. My personal favorite? Watching someone decide shooting a tornado with a handgun was a perfectly reasonable plan.
There was clearly a little more effort put into this one than most Amityville cash grabs. Writer/director team Paul Tucker and Jeff Van Gerwen seem fully aware they’re making something completely ridiculous, and instead of expecting us to take it seriously, they lean into the comedy. Unlike Amityville Rex, where the laughs mostly came from how unintentionally bad it was, the humor here actually feels intentional.
The finale is equally stupid in all the right ways, although the predictable ending and awkward survivors’ dance party probably should have been left on the cutting room floor. Amityvillenado isn’t a good movie by conventional standards, but it is an entertaining one if you’re willing to embrace the stupidity. That might be enough, up to you.
