My quick rating – 5.2/10. You know a horror movie has your attention when the opening scene involves a guy stumbling out of a motel room looking like he lost a fight with a wood chipper, carrying what may be his bride. He jumps into his car, tries to make a desperate getaway, and promptly loses his head. Wink wink. Welcome to Last Chance Motel, where the honeymoon package apparently includes complimentary dismemberment.
Starring Danielle Harris and Scout Taylor-Compton, this bloody little number immediately caught my attention. Modern horror royalty, two familiar faces from Rob Zombie’s Halloween flicks, and now a wedding destination that makes a roadside rest stop look like the Four Seasons. I can only assume these two became friends on those Halloween movies and eventually decided to get together for a little recreational slaughter (yeah, their podcast clued me in). Because nothing says friendship quite like sharing screen time with people who enjoy removing other people’s body parts.
Our unfortunate newlyweds, Casey (Harris) and Andi (Taylor-Compton), have chosen a secluded motel in the Nevada desert for their dream wedding. And when the wedding party finally arrives at the Last Chance Motel, the place looks less like a romantic getaway and more like a car wreckage yard where abandoned vehicles go to die. The entrance practically screams, “Turn around and go home!” Naturally, everyone ignores it. At this point, horror movie characters could find a handwritten note saying “Everyone Will Die” and still ask whether breakfast is included.
Once inside, things get even more familiar. Behind the front desk is Bobbi Love, played by Heather Langenkamp, forever associated with A Nightmare on Elm Street. And truthfully, she steals the show. There’s something wonderfully entertaining about watching another horror icon welcome unsuspecting guests to what amounts to a murder-themed bed-and-breakfast.
The movie delivers plenty of blood, mean-spirited violence, cannibalism, torture, and dismemberment. You know, all the amenities you’d expect from a family-run establishment with questionable hospitality standards. It follows the crazed-family slasher formula pretty closely, with a twist or two along the way. The overall vibe owes plenty to The Texas Chain Saw Massacre franchise and House of 1,000 Corpses. Speaking of the latter, Robert Allen Mukes turns up playing essentially the same Monster character he played in House of 1,000 Corpses. Apparently, some people find their calling in life, and his involves terrifying guests without changing the job description.
There’s a sense that Harris and Taylor-Compton probably had a blast putting this together, as if they sat down over drinks and brainstormed increasingly horrible ways to ruin someone’s wedding. Unfortunately, that enthusiasm doesn’t quite translate into anything particularly fresh. Strip away the horror royalty and familiar faces, and you’re left with a fairly average slasher that doesn’t bring much new to the table. (I hope the rift between the two of them is just Internet bullshit.)
Still, Last Chance Motel knows what it is. It’s bloody, nasty, occasionally entertaining, and never pretends to be high art. For a single #Shocktober viewing, it’s worth checking in. Just don’t expect a refund on the honeymoon suite.
