My quick rating – 5.3/10. Every heist flick these days seems to think audiences love déjà vu. Diamond Dogs kicks off with a tense “later in the movie” scene, only to slam us with the dreaded “four months earlier” title card. This framing device has become the genre’s comfort food, predictable but serviceable. Director Kris Smith clearly figured if it worked for every other heist movie in the last decade, why not toss it in again? (Now that this trope has bled into horror flix, I am growing tired of it)
From there, we meet Paul Canterbury (Nick Elliott), a jewel thief who’s equal parts strategist and eccentric uncle. He starts recruiting the usual suspects: Rick (Andy Blithe), his ride-or-die buddy; Byte Size (Steve Knight), the hacker with more ego than bandwidth; Troy (Leonardo Martin), the muscle with all the personality of a protein shake; and Colin Bell (Mark Wells), who’s… an Uber driver. Yes, the guy who probably has a 4.8 rating and a trunk full of stale air fresheners is somehow critical to this diamond heist. Rounding out the crew is Adriana (Anja Kick), the daughter of a deceased mate who initially rejects the offer but practically has “I’ll be back in Act 2” tattooed on her forehead.
The middle act is a buffet of montages set to upbeat music—clearly Kris Smith’s cinematic love language. The planning stretches on, sometimes too long, and while the film’s two-hour runtime allows for plenty of banter, a tighter cut would have made the build-up snappier. Somewhere in the mix, the film flirts with Going in Style vibes, except instead of sweet old-timers robbing a bank for pension money, these guys just want a single social influencer’s safety deposit box. Lofty goals, gang.
When the heist finally arrives, about thirty minutes of runtime are left. The execution is fun but peppered with narrative shortcuts that feel more like the script saying, “Eh, close enough.” Naturally, no heist movie is complete without betrayal, backstabbing, or at least one “I didn’t see that coming!” moment—though here, you probably did.
Tonally, the film wobbles between cheeky humor and earnest crime drama. Some jokes land fine, others feel like they were written exclusively for a UK pub crowd, and a few are so dry you’ll need a drink just to swallow them. Still, the cast has chemistry, and their banter at least keeps things lively. Technically speaking, the film is solid: no shaky-cam disasters, no bargain-bin sound editing. The only hiccup is the mystery man on video whose accent is so thick you’d think he was auditioning for a submarine role.
In the end, Diamond Dogs isn’t trying to be Ocean’s Eleven, Twelve, or whatever number we’re up to now. This film and Smith know it can’t compete on that scale. It’s a scrappy little heist flick with some fun characters, a couple of laughs, and just enough style to make it work on its own modest terms. And yes, it leaves the door cracked for a sequel, because apparently we can’t have just one diamond job anymore.
Thanks to Kris Smith for sending this one over for an early look. Best of luck with the release—you’ve got a fun, old school heist flick on your hands.
This will be released on September 1st so I’ll leave this JustWatch link here for future use.
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