My quick rating – 2.6/10. Somewhere in Italy, a group of filmmakers asked the eternal question: What if Edgar Allan Poe… but horny and confused? Thus, Poern was born, a cinematic cryptid stitched from half-remembered English class stories, leftover porn sets, and a blender full of CGI that would embarrass a 2004 screensaver.
If you looked at IMDB, you would see this tagline that the creators thought was clever:
“209 slutty, slutty years ago, Edgar Allan Hoe made a vow to stay true to himself, joining a society called “Literhairy Analycists.” After a night of unexpected “rambunciousity,” Hoe realizes quills aren’t the only thing to tickle the mind.”
Yes, they really wrote that. Yes, someone thought that was marketing gold. Yes, it reads like a 14-year-old wrote it during detention.
The “wrap-around” plot is literally a woman masturbating to an Edgar Allan Poe book. Not an adaptation, not a fantasy—she’s just aggressively flicking the raven while skimming Victorian prose. With each story break, she loses more clothing, as if the director assumed Poe’s greatest legacy was edging.
Story 1: “Alone”
This segment appears to have been edited by someone concussed and holding the controller upside down. Random porn clips? Check. Beheading footage ripped from somewhere cheap? Check. Some glum dude smoking like he’s waiting for his Uber? Also check. What does this have to do with Poe? Only the ghost of continuity could tell you, and it bailed ten minutes in.
Story 2: “The Black Cat”
They went animated for this one—probably because no living cat wanted to be associated. It’s loosely based on the original tale if your definition of “loosely” includes dropping the plot, tone, and dignity. Still, compared to the rest, this counts as Pixar.
Story 3: “William Wilson”
What if Poe’s exploration of dual identity was replaced with a dude vigorously jerking off while someone slapped text on the screen like inspirational quotes from PornHub comments? Congratulations, you’ve just watched it.
Story 4: “Ligeia / Morella”
Now we enter the uncanny valley so hard we burst out the other side into a PS1 cutscene. Roberta Gemma returns here as a 3D model that looks like The Sims tried porn and got stage fright. If Poe could see his work reimagined like this, he’d claw his way out of the grave just to file a cease-and-desist.
Had this film been any good, you might forgive the edgelord puns and “Literhairy Analycists” nonsense. But there’s no salvation here—just softcore chaos dipped in foggy references and regret. Despite a few glimmers—like interesting animation in Black Cat and the faint idea that erotic horror could exist if handled by adults—most of this anthology evaporates from memory faster than Poe’s inheritance.
It’s bizarre without being bold, erotic without being sexy, and Poe without being Poe. If you want porn, this isn’t good porn. If you want Poe, this isn’t good Poe. If you want both at once… seek help and a higher bitrate. And no, of course there’s no trailer—you’ll have to spelunk through the internet’s grimy basement to find this one. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you. Barely escapes the #turkey tag since it is competent at times.
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