My quick rating – 5.3/10. Well, it finally happened. They made a Minecraft movie. And no, it’s not stop-motion or YouTube fanfic gone big budget—this is a full-on Hollywood production with stars, CGI, portals, and enough pixelated nonsense to crash your old school laptop. I barely played the game, and now that I’ve seen the film, I’m even less sure of what it’s actually about.
We start with the boldest cinematic move of the decade: eight minutes of exposition and credits. That’s right, this movie kicks off with plenty of gamesplaining and a musical overture, apparently to lull parents into a false sense of security. But just when you’re wondering if this is an animated TED Talk, bam, four plucky misfits (a checklist of modern-day quirks and TikTok-ready angst) fall through a mysterious portal and land in the “Overworld”—a place that looks like someone fed a Lego set and a sugar cube factory into a blender.
Enter Steve. Yes, the Steve. Voiced by Jack Black, he’s part wizard, part wilderness guide, all mystery man. He’s like if Bear Grylls were raised on cheese cubes and dad jokes. Jack Black nails it, as he often does, playing Steve like a guy who got lost on his way to a Tenacious D concert and decided to stay in Minecraft instead. However, Jennifer Coolidge delivers what may be the film’s best line (“No, I think he’s Swedish”) with such oddball sincerity I had to pause to laugh. That subplot gets ignored until the credits so stick around.
Jason Momoa, meanwhile, seems to have wandered in from another movie—or another planet. His performance can best be described as “a Viking with a concussion,” and he somehow plays every scene like he just remembered he left his oven on. It’s a bizarre energy that works in Fast X, but here it mostly feels like he’s trying to win a dare.
The CGI is undeniably impressive. If nothing else, the world looks like a cotton candy dream, lush, blocky, and unapologetically weird. It’s like a Bob Ross painting rendered in pixels by a caffeinated 12-year-old. Credit where it’s due: the production team understood the assignment visually, even if the story feels like it was generated by ChatGPT after being hit with a shovel.
Rachel House as Malgosha? A delight. She’s channeling pure Bond villain energy, but through the lens of a PTA mom who has had it. Honestly, I’d watch a spin-off about her monologuing in a volcano lair built from obsidian blocks and passive-aggressive Post-it notes.
At the end of the day, A Minecraft Movie isn’t for me, and it never tried to be. It’s for kids, fans of the game, and adults with enough patience (or wine) to tolerate its pixelated weirdness. Compared to Sonic and Mario, it’s a notch below, but at least it tries. Sometimes too hard. Sometimes not hard enough. It’s inconsistent, amusing, visually rich, and yes, dumb. But hey, so is half the internet. Why not let Minecraft have its moment, too?
Amazon, along with several other streamers have this one available.