My quick rating – 6.5/10. Well, Death is back, and this time, it’s been binge-watching classic 70s disaster films. Final Destination: Bloodlines kicks off the latest resurrection of the long-dormant franchise with a literal landmark-crashing opening that’s part structural engineering failure, part murder ballet. If you thought you were safe in a modern building, think again. Death is now a licensed contractor.
Kaitlyn Santa Juana stars as Stefanie, a college student with recurring nightmares and possibly the world’s worst homecoming. She returns to her roots to break the chain of gory, Rube-Goldberg-style fatalities that seem determined to pick off her family tree like it’s overdue for pruning. And while the “plagued by visions” setup might sound familiar, Bloodlines actually shakes things up—just enough to justify its existence, but not so much that the Death fans rise up in protest with blunt household objects.
Let’s be honest: the Final Destination franchise was never about character development or deep themes. It’s about how wildly absurd Death’s kill streak can get before it becomes a parody. And on that note, director Zach Lipovsky absolutely delivers. You want brutal? You got it. You want creative? There’s a death in here that made me whisper, “Oh noooo…” out loud like I’d just watched someone microwave tinfoil. The kills range from clever to “how did OSHA not shut this entire town down?”
After a banger of an opening disaster sequence (seriously, it’s like if The Sims glitched during a hurricane), the film does slow down a bit to let the plot stretch its legs, before losing its damn mind again in the final half. It’s like watching a domino fall that hits a mousetrap that launches a wrench that breaks a pipe that sets off a toaster that… well, you get the idea. It’s formulaic, but in the comfort food kind of way. The suspense is less about IF people will die and more about how hilariously elaborate Death’s mood board was that day.
Now, not everything lands. The characters range from bland to “I hope they die next” levels of personality. There’s always that one guy in every Final Destination movie you wish Death would just skip the theatrics and push down an escalator. But hey, if you came here for likable people making smart decisions, you took a wrong turn somewhere near the finale of Sweet Tooth.
One surprising highlight was the farewell to Tony Todd’s character. Without spoiling it, let’s just say it was handled with care, class, and the kind of eerie elegance only his voice can pull off. It gave the film a touch of sincerity before getting back to what it does best: finding new ways to kill people with everyday objects.
Is Final Destination: Bloodlines the best in the franchise? Maybe. It’s certainly the most confident, albeit blood-soaked, over-the-top, and unapologetically ridiculous. And after 14 years, it had to be. If future installments can keep this same “deathtrap theme park” energy going, I say bring it on. Just maybe… avoid open spaces, power tools, and definitely don’t sit near any glass.
Final thought: Not realistic. Not profound. But who needs that when Death’s latest Pinterest board is called “Creative Ways to Eliminate Teenagers”?
Amazon, along with a few other streamers have this for theater pricing at home.