My quick rating – 4.9/10. After a viral outbreak wipes out the adult population, the premise of Please Don’t Feed the Children practically writes itself. Orphans scrambling for survival, a deranged woman with a secret, and the possibility of dipping into zombie horror? Sounds like fertile ground. Instead, what we get is a moody survival thriller with flashes of potential but plenty of missed opportunities.
This is the directorial debut of Destry Allyn Spielberg (yes, that Spielberg), and while she doesn’t reinvent the genre, she shows she has an eye for atmosphere and framing. There are moments where the camera lingers just right—quiet, tense shots that carry more weight than the script allows. Unfortunately, style only takes this movie so far when the story leans on shaky logic and frustrating character choices.
We’re dropped into this world with little more than a voiceover and a few news clips. No sweeping visuals of collapsed cities, no eerie images of empty towns, nothing to sell the scale of devastation. Instead, the film assumes we’ll just take its word for it. That might’ve worked if the character work had been tight, but the children’s decisions border on nonsensical. At one point, Mary (Zoe Colletti) makes a boneheaded move during a grocery store raid, and the film never bothers to justify it. This isn’t an isolated case either, since bad choices seem to be the defining trait of the group.
The kids are depicted as both the problem and the victims, and their constant screaming of “Let me out!” grows grating fast. Sure, they’re scared, but when older, supposedly hardened orphans are crying for “Mommy,” suspension of disbelief takes a hit. The performances themselves aren’t bad—the young actors deliver within the confines of the script—but the writing undercuts them. They act like children when the film wants sympathy, yet their ages and survival circumstances demand a more hardened edge.
On the horror front, the zombie element is barely present, almost swept under the rug. This could’ve been a fun sandbox to explore, but instead, the movie avoids the very formula that might’ve energized it. No creative kills, no shocking set pieces, just PG-13 violence that happens mostly off-screen. One death is nicely staged, but for the most part, tension fizzles out before it can escalate.
Michelle Dockery fares better as the antagonist. She plays her part with a calm, eerie whackiness that feels unsettling without dipping into camp. You can see the threads of what could’ve been a truly chilling villain, but the film never fully commits to letting her go off the rails.
In the end, Please Don’t Feed the Children feels like a film straining to be more than its genre roots but not delivering on either the thrills or the allegory. If it was meant to be some lesson about children inheriting a broken world, it’s muddled by how often they’re portrayed as clueless. Still, Spielberg shows promise here—turning mediocre material into something watchable isn’t easy. Given more time and a sharper script, she could absolutely step out from her father’s shadow. For now, though, this one lands in the middle of the pack.
This one is a Tubi original, so as of now, that is the only place to stream it.
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