My quick rating – 2.8/10. The Canvas or La toile, if you really want to bore yourself to death and find this for your viewing displeasure, opens with a woman absolutely mesmerized by a painting hanging on the wall. The creepy voices provide an immediate clue that this isn’t your average museum visit, and it’s actually a pretty kewl and effective little opening. A genuine scare, some decent atmosphere, and a promising start. Shame about everything that follows.

From there, we’re off to the woods, where Robert (John Real) and his son Daniel (Francesco Marzagalli) arrive at a cabin. In the woods. Because apparently nobody in horror movies has ever heard of Airbnb reviews or basic survival instincts.

It doesn’t take long for the kid to start hearing voices, eventually leading him to a wrapped-up painting with a very clear DO NOT OPEN warning. Naturally, he opens it. What could possibly go wrong? The painting should look familiar from our opening scene, and after Dad hangs the thing up, the nightmares begin. Interior decorating is now a potentially life-threatening activity.

The premise has some potential. An isolated father and son discover a painting that seems disturbingly alive, with their darkest nightmares bleeding into reality and a sinister presence emerging from the canvas, feeding on buried trauma and forgotten memories (thanks IMDB). Robert eventually meets Annie (Nicolette McKeown) in town and recruits her and her father Nick (Angus Macfadyen), to help understand and possibly defeat the curse.

Unfortunately, a potentially interesting premise doesn’t automatically make an interesting movie. The story is weak, underdeveloped, and about as engaging as watching paint dry. Which, given the subject matter, feels like a particularly unfortunate achievement.

There are a few things worth mentioning. The creepy woman actually looks pretty damn unsettling, and the effects used to bring her to life are surprisingly solid. Unfortunately, that quality doesn’t extend to everything. There’s a rather strange contrast between the effective creature work and some truly awful animated fire. It’s almost as if two completely different production teams were working on the same movie, with one receiving a budget and the other being handed a copy of Microsoft Paint.

That opening scene remains the highlight by far. Beyond that, we’re left with a whole lot of whispering, spooky noises and very little actual excitement. If you’re absolutely terrified of a woman’s voice whispering, you might get something out of this. The rest of us will probably be checking the runtime.

I genuinely feel bad for anyone who got tricked into seeing this during its limited USA theatrical release on October 30th, expecting a decent #Shocktober flick. Sorry, folks. This wasn’t it.

At least the poster is great. Shame the movie couldn’t paint a similarly impressive picture.