My quick rating – 2.7/10. It was either this or Zombiesluts. Runtime is a thing, and at 79 minutes, Rubber Nose Massacre fits nicely into my schedule. Sometimes movie night is less about finding a hidden gem and more about finding something that won’t eat up the entire evening. Unfortunately, this one might have been better left in the bargain bin.
Things kick off with some upbeat music and a woman being chased by a clown through what looks like some sort of maze. Naturally, this ends with a practical hammer to the head, complete with splatter. Lovely! Except this isn’t quite the massacre we think it is. It’s actually three friends watching Scary Clowns Go Wild. However, the guys try convincing her that they’re watching a snuff film series. I guess that’s perfectly normal Friday night entertainment.
It doesn’t take long before the killer clowns come looking for our three amigos, and that’s when things get properly ridiculous. Enter two Florida men, Diesel (Charles Harris) and Everett (Samuel Williams), a couple of vigilantes hunting down a psychopathic, serial-killing clown. They also seem to have an unlimited supply of beer-drinking jokes, which is probably just as well because there’s not a whole lot else going on.
The effects are something else. And by something else, I mean spectacularly awful. There’s a particular level of low-budget filmmaking where you start wondering whether the production team knows how bad things look or whether they’re deliberately going for laughs. The RPG firing like a machine gun certainly had me scratching my head. Then there’s the crawling scene in the garage. If that wasn’t intended to be funny, somebody needs to confiscate the camera.
The acting doesn’t exactly help matters either. Diesel and Everett’s conversations are so awkward that I genuinely couldn’t tell whether they were following a script or just making things up as they went along. Putrid performances, questionable dialogue and effects that look like they were assembled during someone’s lunch break. It’s quite the combination.
Yet, strangely enough, I did get a few chuckles out of it. Not necessarily because the jokes landed, but because some of the filmmaking decisions are so insanely questionable that laughing is about the only reasonable response. Thankfully, nobody involved seems particularly interested in pretending they’re making a cinematic masterpiece.
That’s probably the biggest positive here. Rubber Nose Massacre doesn’t take itself seriously, and neither should you. The bad news? Pretty much everything else. At least it kept its runtime down, and that’s something.
It just barely escapes becoming a #turkey, while also managing to be my final #Shocktober flick for 2026. Hardly a grand finale, but I’ve certainly seen worse ways to spend 79 minutes. Yes, Amityville Backrooms, I haven’t forgotten about you.
