Goldilocks And The Three Bears: Death & Porridge (2024)

A certain Marsupial saved this from being the worst this year but if you want more cinematic absurdity, I give you Goldilocks. #jackmeatsflix

If you’re looking for an actual killer koala movie, just grab a stuffed animal & shake it in front of your face while talking to yourself. It’ll be far more

My tagline exists for movies like Crispy—I sat through this 76-minute disaster so you don’t have to. I better stop writing now before I just get mean. #jackmeatsflix

Do yourself a favor and steer clear of this supposed horror flick trying to honor Jimmy Buffet but more insulting the poor man. #jackmeatsflix

This movie couldn't be bothered with entertaining me so I won't be wasting my time rewriting my notes but you will get the jist of it when reading. #jackmeatsflix

I know what you are thinking and this #Shocktober #turkey won't even drag a giggle out of you in relation to the SUPERB flick it parodies. #jackmeatsflix

I hate to call this #turkey a #Shocktober flick when the only thing scary about the movie is the fact it was ever made. #jackmeatsflix

If you’re looking for a film that annoys you just for existing this #Shocktober, this might be it. Otherwise, skip this narcissistic trainwreck. #jackmeatsflix

Unless this horrendous horror flick was using ACTUAL bags of cocaine instead of bags of flour, there is no way it costs 100K to make. #jackmeatsflix

I am not going to dignify this one by expanding on my initial comments and from what I recall, this score still might be generous for this slasher flick. #jackmeatsflix